Tag: fight

Mirage.

As of now, this moment. Here I am sitting in front of my computer looking for words to express how I feel right now. Vapor slowly rising from a hot cup of coffee sitting next to me. I am a man who observes. Someone who loves to embrace the serenity quietness provide. Stay quiet and still, so that all I hear are the chirping of tiny birds in my balcony, and wind rustling the leaves of the trees outside my apartment. Yet even I am unable to find my way through this situation, when every person I know are locked inside within their homes in fear and anxiety. I observed the kids play, the old couple walking on the street as the sun set, students running across blocks trying to make it to their classes on time; through my window. Now my window is powered by electricity, my only connect with the world outside.

I was something of a traveler myself, years of routine starting with me climbing onto crowded buses and then jumping out of one to get onto another. I used to loathe the idea of shifting from one bus to the other; because it mainly involved waiting for long periods in stations with no shelter experiencing the scorching heat of the afternoon sun. I was always rather clever to avoid the sun when I finally get into the bus because I was aware of the positioning of seats and from which direction the rays would be entering inside; If I did get a seat. An ironic moment for a person who claims to enjoy the most when playing with friends under the sun, for hours. After the application of sun positioning and navigation and further leaps from one bus to the other. All the stress of finding space in buses aside, time never seemed to be a factor that ever bothered me, as I shut myself from the external world with about ten songs I listen to everyday. I did secretly enjoy the melodramatic scene I created, music so loud everything else appeared mute, as I looked outside the window when I immersed myself with the thoughts of situations that could happen in an ideal world.

When someone tells you home is not somewhere you live in, home means the people you live with; you better believe it. As I step into the college premises everyday, I am excited for how I get to spend my time with my friends on the day. Everyday promising a new experience filled with fun and drama. You meet and spend time with all kinds of people. The quiet and serious ones, the carefree type and the ones trying to enjoy but pretend like they work all the time. There was a new story about certain someone doing something with someone else that created waves of chatter between friends. When the chatter does subside, the silence was more than capable of filling the gap. I would wrap my arms around the one I love and I could look into her bright beautiful eyes and tell her that I love her, and listen to her reminding me how warm my body was. Every walk we walked were different. Every instance of spending time together, working together, or even lunch together; everything offered something everyone craves in their life the most. Change. After all it is what separates us from the screen I am looking at right now; as long as I am alive, I will always welcome the possibility of change.

We say our goodbyes, and I am back where I started. Back to the whole bus experience. And when I finally reach home, I did not feel tired, but I felt the need to reward myself with time dedicated just for myself, where no one spoke, no one is fighting for a seat or no one is asking me to get a ticket. You could say that I practiced social distancing every evening before it became a global phenomenon.

I never thought my life contained so many instances of adventure and excitement that I had to actually write about it. I deemed it as a rather monotonous, boring life. But what I would not give to go back to it. To go back to travelling under the sun, to go back to watching kids play and scream at the top of their voices on the playground, to see old couples walk on the street again trying to find time to communicate openly with each other and enjoy their time separated from the rest of the world, and hug my love again and tell her how much I missed her.

I took a break. I decided to close my eyes and focus on what I could hear. The chirps were more clear and prominent, almost like the number of birds exponentially increased when we decided to stay inside. The sparrows were tweeting and the peacock crying loud as they walked across my street with their young ones by their side, fearlessly. It felt like every being who could now walk outside without the fear of being inflicted by anything gathered together outside our homes to remind us about how important it is to strive for a balance in nature. Maybe this is for the better. Maybe we will grow. Maybe we will do enough to restore the world of it’s peace not only among humans but among every living being. For now we play the waiting game, we are on a fight when we go up against forces not in our control and all we have is hope and the virtue of patience in our arsenal. We stay strong together, and we wait.

After all as they say, This too shall pass.

Image credits. Freepik.com

Roller-coaster.

Oh yes I am aware. You are sitting in a train whistling through towns and forests, the bright sunlight rushing through the windows, creating a rather sharp shadow of the window sill on your lap. The busy atmosphere filled with noises of playing children, middle-aged workers talking loudly into their phones, vendors running about screaming out promotions, and infants crying so loud that you wish you were deaf. It takes only a moment for the shift to sink in as the loud, lively train meets the ghastly isolated entrance of a tunnel. Everything and everyone goes still, as the darkness gushes in like a blanket overcoming the light that was present. The sound of silence overpowers the sound of life. The moment maybe short where the journey is concerned. But it does exist. Like every other situation, even this one loves it’s occasional cameo. Yes, I am aware of the transition. When the smile fades, when your thoughts revolve around mistakes and regrets, when you forget how to laugh. Contagious joy around people only invoking rage within yourself. You know you are slipping into the darkness, but sometimes no amount of light can creep into the tunnel you are falling into.

Lack of fulfillment. Existential crisis. The two openings of the same tunnel. Most of us share this darkness. A rather uninvited guest, yet makes sure to visit us often, this feeling making us question the purpose of our life often leaving us in a state of dismay and rather unsettled. The systems around us have programmed our thoughts to reward ourselves with the gift of satisfaction when we involve ourselves in acts of goodwill. To help others, to bring about a change that helps someone feel better, or something work better. However many of us are lucky enough to push away these thoughts into pools of ignorance, there is the other half unconsciously questioning their own conduct because of their inability to win karma points for the day. Maybe you haven’t yet identified this as your nemesis, but maybe it’s time you fought back. Step outside, help someone in need. Maybe you will feel better. Maybe you would keep the darkness away, even if only for a day.

A story of what could’ve been. This one is tricky, a ruse. A wolf disguised as sheep. The one which keeps you lying on your bed or sitting still on beach shores, intoxicated by thoughts illustrated by your imagination. The string of thoughts woven perfectly to suit the circumstances you would have hoped for. The fairy tale ending you always craved for. What started of as a harmless, docile offspring of an idle mind, only takes little time to evolve into a deadly, venomous monster. Just like hills, the higher you climb, the lower you go on the other side. Your mind like a car running on the road being continuously fueled by freshly brewed stories, suddenly meeting with a car crash; as the car runs into a wall of reality. Now you are buried under the debris of insecurity and self-doubt. The sheep skin has been finally torn apart, and now the wolf is glaring at you, ready to feed on your fears. You fight it with a needle. A needle that grows into a dagger, and into a sword as you learn to stand your ground and learn to live in the present sense of reality.

Isolation. A double edged sword. Some find strength in being alone. Some find it emotionally draining. Whoever coined the term social-beings to represent humans has hit their dart on the bull’s eye. As you feel yourself slipping into an abyss of darkness, you fall with the confidence that you have with you, someone who can extend a hand and pull you out of it. But sometimes we get too comfortable with these settings. We always prepared to be part of the army, but we overlooked the possibility that we could be the last one standing to fight the war before it was over. We find the essence of hope and happiness in those who are close to us, we tap into these reserves as we imbibe upon similar feelings to make ourselves feel better. Our memories, our strengths, our qualities, our purpose. These reserves exist within ourselves, but we are blinded by the darkness. Maybe if we realized that the only person we need to ask for motivation is ourselves, we could graze past this avalanche of bad thoughts.

Boredom. An idle mind is the devil’s workshop. Most of the times, the idle mind is what generates the crack on your willful mind for all the other negativity to creep into. It is important that we invest our time into an activity that we associate our satisfaction and joy with. We call it passion. It is important that we hold onto passion, because when times get rough, as it surely will. Our passion offers us an escape route to the exit of the tunnel. The small doorway where you can see the bright rays of light entering.

No matter what tunnels we find ourselves in, I hope we regain our sight and faith to find the exit of the tunnel, no matter how far or small it may seem.

Images by lifeforstock. freepik.com