Oh yes I am aware. You are sitting in a train whistling through towns and forests, the bright sunlight rushing through the windows, creating a rather sharp shadow of the window sill on your lap. The busy atmosphere filled with noises of playing children, middle-aged workers talking loudly into their phones, vendors running about screaming out promotions, and infants crying so loud that you wish you were deaf. It takes only a moment for the shift to sink in as the loud, lively train meets the ghastly isolated entrance of a tunnel. Everything and everyone goes still, as the darkness gushes in like a blanket overcoming the light that was present. The sound of silence overpowers the sound of life. The moment maybe short where the journey is concerned. But it does exist. Like every other situation, even this one loves it’s occasional cameo. Yes, I am aware of the transition. When the smile fades, when your thoughts revolve around mistakes and regrets, when you forget how to laugh. Contagious joy around people only invoking rage within yourself. You know you are slipping into the darkness, but sometimes no amount of light can creep into the tunnel you are falling into.
Lack of fulfillment. Existential crisis. The two openings of the same tunnel. Most of us share this darkness. A rather uninvited guest, yet makes sure to visit us often, this feeling making us question the purpose of our life often leaving us in a state of dismay and rather unsettled. The systems around us have programmed our thoughts to reward ourselves with the gift of satisfaction when we involve ourselves in acts of goodwill. To help others, to bring about a change that helps someone feel better, or something work better. However many of us are lucky enough to push away these thoughts into pools of ignorance, there is the other half unconsciously questioning their own conduct because of their inability to win karma points for the day. Maybe you haven’t yet identified this as your nemesis, but maybe it’s time you fought back. Step outside, help someone in need. Maybe you will feel better. Maybe you would keep the darkness away, even if only for a day.
A story of what could’ve been. This one is tricky, a ruse. A wolf disguised as sheep. The one which keeps you lying on your bed or sitting still on beach shores, intoxicated by thoughts illustrated by your imagination. The string of thoughts woven perfectly to suit the circumstances you would have hoped for. The fairy tale ending you always craved for. What started of as a harmless, docile offspring of an idle mind, only takes little time to evolve into a deadly, venomous monster. Just like hills, the higher you climb, the lower you go on the other side. Your mind like a car running on the road being continuously fueled by freshly brewed stories, suddenly meeting with a car crash; as the car runs into a wall of reality. Now you are buried under the debris of insecurity and self-doubt. The sheep skin has been finally torn apart, and now the wolf is glaring at you, ready to feed on your fears. You fight it with a needle. A needle that grows into a dagger, and into a sword as you learn to stand your ground and learn to live in the present sense of reality.
Isolation. A double edged sword. Some find strength in being alone. Some find it emotionally draining. Whoever coined the term social-beings to represent humans has hit their dart on the bull’s eye. As you feel yourself slipping into an abyss of darkness, you fall with the confidence that you have with you, someone who can extend a hand and pull you out of it. But sometimes we get too comfortable with these settings. We always prepared to be part of the army, but we overlooked the possibility that we could be the last one standing to fight the war before it was over. We find the essence of hope and happiness in those who are close to us, we tap into these reserves as we imbibe upon similar feelings to make ourselves feel better. Our memories, our strengths, our qualities, our purpose. These reserves exist within ourselves, but we are blinded by the darkness. Maybe if we realized that the only person we need to ask for motivation is ourselves, we could graze past this avalanche of bad thoughts.
Boredom. An idle mind is the devil’s workshop. Most of the times, the idle mind is what generates the crack on your willful mind for all the other negativity to creep into. It is important that we invest our time into an activity that we associate our satisfaction and joy with. We call it passion. It is important that we hold onto passion, because when times get rough, as it surely will. Our passion offers us an escape route to the exit of the tunnel. The small doorway where you can see the bright rays of light entering.
No matter what tunnels we find ourselves in, I hope we regain our sight and faith to find the exit of the tunnel, no matter how far or small it may seem.
Images by lifeforstock. freepik.com
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