Article – Bubble

Mirage.

As of now, this moment. Here I am sitting in front of my computer looking for words to express how I feel right now. Vapor slowly rising from a hot cup of coffee sitting next to me. I am a man who observes. Someone who loves to embrace the serenity quietness provide. Stay quiet and still, so that all I hear are the chirping of tiny birds in my balcony, and wind rustling the leaves of the trees outside my apartment. Yet even I am unable to find my way through this situation, when every person I know are locked inside within their homes in fear and anxiety. I observed the kids play, the old couple walking on the street as the sun set, students running across blocks trying to make it to their classes on time; through my window. Now my window is powered by electricity, my only connect with the world outside.

I was something of a traveler myself, years of routine starting with me climbing onto crowded buses and then jumping out of one to get onto another. I used to loathe the idea of shifting from one bus to the other; because it mainly involved waiting for long periods in stations with no shelter experiencing the scorching heat of the afternoon sun. I was always rather clever to avoid the sun when I finally get into the bus because I was aware of the positioning of seats and from which direction the rays would be entering inside; If I did get a seat. An ironic moment for a person who claims to enjoy the most when playing with friends under the sun, for hours. After the application of sun positioning and navigation and further leaps from one bus to the other. All the stress of finding space in buses aside, time never seemed to be a factor that ever bothered me, as I shut myself from the external world with about ten songs I listen to everyday. I did secretly enjoy the melodramatic scene I created, music so loud everything else appeared mute, as I looked outside the window when I immersed myself with the thoughts of situations that could happen in an ideal world.

When someone tells you home is not somewhere you live in, home means the people you live with; you better believe it. As I step into the college premises everyday, I am excited for how I get to spend my time with my friends on the day. Everyday promising a new experience filled with fun and drama. You meet and spend time with all kinds of people. The quiet and serious ones, the carefree type and the ones trying to enjoy but pretend like they work all the time. There was a new story about certain someone doing something with someone else that created waves of chatter between friends. When the chatter does subside, the silence was more than capable of filling the gap. I would wrap my arms around the one I love and I could look into her bright beautiful eyes and tell her that I love her, and listen to her reminding me how warm my body was. Every walk we walked were different. Every instance of spending time together, working together, or even lunch together; everything offered something everyone craves in their life the most. Change. After all it is what separates us from the screen I am looking at right now; as long as I am alive, I will always welcome the possibility of change.

We say our goodbyes, and I am back where I started. Back to the whole bus experience. And when I finally reach home, I did not feel tired, but I felt the need to reward myself with time dedicated just for myself, where no one spoke, no one is fighting for a seat or no one is asking me to get a ticket. You could say that I practiced social distancing every evening before it became a global phenomenon.

I never thought my life contained so many instances of adventure and excitement that I had to actually write about it. I deemed it as a rather monotonous, boring life. But what I would not give to go back to it. To go back to travelling under the sun, to go back to watching kids play and scream at the top of their voices on the playground, to see old couples walk on the street again trying to find time to communicate openly with each other and enjoy their time separated from the rest of the world, and hug my love again and tell her how much I missed her.

I took a break. I decided to close my eyes and focus on what I could hear. The chirps were more clear and prominent, almost like the number of birds exponentially increased when we decided to stay inside. The sparrows were tweeting and the peacock crying loud as they walked across my street with their young ones by their side, fearlessly. It felt like every being who could now walk outside without the fear of being inflicted by anything gathered together outside our homes to remind us about how important it is to strive for a balance in nature. Maybe this is for the better. Maybe we will grow. Maybe we will do enough to restore the world of it’s peace not only among humans but among every living being. For now we play the waiting game, we are on a fight when we go up against forces not in our control and all we have is hope and the virtue of patience in our arsenal. We stay strong together, and we wait.

After all as they say, This too shall pass.

Image credits. Freepik.com

Roller-coaster.

Oh yes I am aware. You are sitting in a train whistling through towns and forests, the bright sunlight rushing through the windows, creating a rather sharp shadow of the window sill on your lap. The busy atmosphere filled with noises of playing children, middle-aged workers talking loudly into their phones, vendors running about screaming out promotions, and infants crying so loud that you wish you were deaf. It takes only a moment for the shift to sink in as the loud, lively train meets the ghastly isolated entrance of a tunnel. Everything and everyone goes still, as the darkness gushes in like a blanket overcoming the light that was present. The sound of silence overpowers the sound of life. The moment maybe short where the journey is concerned. But it does exist. Like every other situation, even this one loves it’s occasional cameo. Yes, I am aware of the transition. When the smile fades, when your thoughts revolve around mistakes and regrets, when you forget how to laugh. Contagious joy around people only invoking rage within yourself. You know you are slipping into the darkness, but sometimes no amount of light can creep into the tunnel you are falling into.

Lack of fulfillment. Existential crisis. The two openings of the same tunnel. Most of us share this darkness. A rather uninvited guest, yet makes sure to visit us often, this feeling making us question the purpose of our life often leaving us in a state of dismay and rather unsettled. The systems around us have programmed our thoughts to reward ourselves with the gift of satisfaction when we involve ourselves in acts of goodwill. To help others, to bring about a change that helps someone feel better, or something work better. However many of us are lucky enough to push away these thoughts into pools of ignorance, there is the other half unconsciously questioning their own conduct because of their inability to win karma points for the day. Maybe you haven’t yet identified this as your nemesis, but maybe it’s time you fought back. Step outside, help someone in need. Maybe you will feel better. Maybe you would keep the darkness away, even if only for a day.

A story of what could’ve been. This one is tricky, a ruse. A wolf disguised as sheep. The one which keeps you lying on your bed or sitting still on beach shores, intoxicated by thoughts illustrated by your imagination. The string of thoughts woven perfectly to suit the circumstances you would have hoped for. The fairy tale ending you always craved for. What started of as a harmless, docile offspring of an idle mind, only takes little time to evolve into a deadly, venomous monster. Just like hills, the higher you climb, the lower you go on the other side. Your mind like a car running on the road being continuously fueled by freshly brewed stories, suddenly meeting with a car crash; as the car runs into a wall of reality. Now you are buried under the debris of insecurity and self-doubt. The sheep skin has been finally torn apart, and now the wolf is glaring at you, ready to feed on your fears. You fight it with a needle. A needle that grows into a dagger, and into a sword as you learn to stand your ground and learn to live in the present sense of reality.

Isolation. A double edged sword. Some find strength in being alone. Some find it emotionally draining. Whoever coined the term social-beings to represent humans has hit their dart on the bull’s eye. As you feel yourself slipping into an abyss of darkness, you fall with the confidence that you have with you, someone who can extend a hand and pull you out of it. But sometimes we get too comfortable with these settings. We always prepared to be part of the army, but we overlooked the possibility that we could be the last one standing to fight the war before it was over. We find the essence of hope and happiness in those who are close to us, we tap into these reserves as we imbibe upon similar feelings to make ourselves feel better. Our memories, our strengths, our qualities, our purpose. These reserves exist within ourselves, but we are blinded by the darkness. Maybe if we realized that the only person we need to ask for motivation is ourselves, we could graze past this avalanche of bad thoughts.

Boredom. An idle mind is the devil’s workshop. Most of the times, the idle mind is what generates the crack on your willful mind for all the other negativity to creep into. It is important that we invest our time into an activity that we associate our satisfaction and joy with. We call it passion. It is important that we hold onto passion, because when times get rough, as it surely will. Our passion offers us an escape route to the exit of the tunnel. The small doorway where you can see the bright rays of light entering.

No matter what tunnels we find ourselves in, I hope we regain our sight and faith to find the exit of the tunnel, no matter how far or small it may seem.

Images by lifeforstock. freepik.com

Unlocking Doors.

It was finally time. The hour has finally come. I stood outside my apartment, placed my fingers slowly on the doorbell switch, watching as my mom opened the door with a smile like she always does. I took a glance at the stack of shoes near the door. The stickers on the door reverberating hospitality. I called this place home for 10 years. Now my journey has left me at crossroads. This time I had there was no shortcuts or cheat codes to find a way to cling on to my sanctuary spot. In 6 months I will be moving to new lands, looking for opportunities of study to pursue my higher education. I had no choice but to move on. I never believed in being overly attached to inanimate objects, even though I’d argue the case for my phone and computer, I would never really have thought that I would indeed, miss my apartment so much. Every time I stepped out of the doorway and locked the door, my subconscious was keeping a subtle count of how many times I get to repeat the action until I leave the place for good. Suddenly I was flying, as a wild familiar storm of Deja vu blew me off my toes.

Drowsy, maybe it was a boring class. I slowly opened my eyes, with an unpleasant aftertaste of anxiety. Maybe the feeling of separation however did not contain itself within my living premises. The grimness lurked it’s way into my personal and college life. Like every other student would agree, the people and the experiences pulled me towards the college, like a moth towards a candle flame. We were in our final year of study, counting days left for each of us where we can meet, share and have fun together. Many of us chose to follow their path towards a successful career, which meant that many of them would be leaving many of the others behind as they slowly learn to make the transition to work life. A few rare cases of friends ending up in the same workplace proved as exceptions, as the others dreaded the moment when they will have to face the reality of letting their best friends with whom they have spent the best parts of 4 years spent on and off university grounds. This transition apparently presenting itself to be a stumbling block in the smooth road of relationship for couples and friendship in best friends.

Maybe I was a little fortunate in that aspect. I managed to hold onto my love and my boys, at least until the end of the academic year. But it was never going to be easy watching your friends go, and even worse; watch the ones you love suffer from letting go of people close to them. It was like classic cinema; what started off as drama and romance had spiraled into mystery; Everyone quite anxious and filled with speculation of what is to become of their future. It was overwhelming, I was falling deep into that endless pit; and I opened my eyes, finding myself staring at an uninteresting roof.

My phone rung so loud that it deafened me for a second. Rather strange, to receive a call this late. I looked at the time, and then at the date. I smiled as I knew what came next is going to stay in my head for a long time to come. The next moment, I was lying on the bed eyes wide open, trying to find that glorious moment that would put me into a deep peaceful sleep; something that has evaded me since the thought of moving out was planted in my head. I looked around me and I saw three absolutely crazy, weird misfits around me, sleep deprived, tired, all passed out with tiny stains of my birthday cake near their mouths. These guys welcomed me to this place when I was just a boy, just 10 years of age. From somewhere between fighting for our favorite seats in school buses and long spicy conversations about our love lives we managed to enjoy each other’s company; and also put up with each other’s anomalies.

My head hit the window and I woke up with a start. I could see my buddy complaining onto my face about how I fell asleep in the bus when I was actually supposed to be sharing some of my interesting stories with him. Him reminding that I had only six months left to do all these did not help my anxiety. I had to remind him often that I would be in fact moving onto higher levels of education and not afterlife. Even though we had to endure long hours of travel to commute between our homes and college, it presented us with the gift of time to share and engage. The conversations kept the trip alive and joyful, at least when I was not dozing off next to a very curious person sitting next to me disgruntled at my choice of nap times. I’m a late night person, so it was only natural that a second later I found the same window pane I had just crashed onto; to be a soft quilt for me to fall asleep on.

I felt a soft hand around my face. Slowly tapping my nose, in a cute way to wake up. I moved my head around a bit, enjoying the comfort and warmth I felt resting on those legs. I opened my eyes and I knew I was looking at my favorite person in the whole wide world. I was treated to a menacing smile, something that was in equilibrium with ‘that felt good’ and ‘we’re late for class!’. Sometimes I enjoyed being a bit of a rebel, as I reasoned with her to let me get comfortable for some more time. But I was dealing with a rather responsible person here. Soon I was dragging myself to a class I absolutely did not like attending; A necessary evil in this case maybe. Maybe physically present, but again little did I know I’d be drifting into another world which had nothing much to do with computers and e-commerce.

The alarm was screaming into my ears. I felt like I’d just been dizzy punched by a bear. I wish I could just go back to sleep. My eyes looked tired, my mind weakened with fatigue. But it was another day. A new window for new experiences. Another chance to do something new with the people I love spending time with. Another day of the six months. I thought going back into the trance of sleep where I could relive my moments made me happy, at least until I realized that looking forward to a new day, to meet everyone again was actually what was driving me forward.

Images by freepik.com

Out in the Rain.

The bright sun throwing the mighty rays of sunshine in all directions, sky blue filled with effervescent clouds floating away like fluffs of cotton. Birds chirp filling the air, white noise that blends in with the song of the gentle whistling breeze.Grass dry and warm caressed by sunshine. The brick red earth. A mere frame in a point of time. A defined moment in a series of events that follows. The moment lasts not long, as the transition rushes in; bringing in an absolute change in the nature of everything. The bright sun consumed by the dark clouds, with the merry fluffs of cotton rushing back home seeking sanctuary just like the birds, back into their cozy nests, protected by the leaves of the tree; their entitled protector.

The living seeking shelter, darkness spreading marking the arrival of a storm; Like how a king announces his arrival, the storm often accompanied by the forces of lightening and thunder. From light drizzles to thunderstorms that dazzles the feeling of peace; it would still be terribly unjustified to call rain an embodiment of fear. It would be fair however to maybe consider it equivalent to the transition of human emotions. Drizzles accompanied with sunlight just enough to produce a rainbow painted with happy colors, heavy rain synonymous with the release of overwhelming grief and thunderstorms, that carry the same magnitude of intimidation as that of rage and anger.

Rain is as much as an expression of emotion as it is a representation of balance and change. To put it quite simply, every drop of water that evaporates to vapor and disappears into thin air like salt in water experiences the freedom of adventure. Every drop restrained by it’s state, restricted movement determined by it’s surroundings, now suddenly achieving a state of absolute bliss, now unchained moving freely in the atmosphere like school children in a playground; appreciating the feeling of freedom over collective belonging like a bird who wishes to fly rather than live it’s life with another in a golden cage.

Yet the drops do not have the privilege to be free forever, they have to end their journey, where the destination also happens to be the very point they started their voyage towards change. Every drop of water is the reflection of a living soul. They start their journey alone, they make family, and then when the time comes, they breathe in the life sustaining element of oxygen for the last time, breathing out their demons of grief, regrets and responsibilities, before they take a whiff of freedom. The change is inevitable. As they say, change is the rule of nature. Yet we grieve death, we cry over loss of our loved ones. We cry because we lose things we held close to our heart. But do we shed tears looking at ice turn into water? We accept this change but falter when we need to embrace the reality in dire circumstances.

But the power of expression is incomparable; it seems a necessity to express and pave way for a shower rather than hold it in and let it undergo metamorphosis into a full fledged volcano. But crying over loss for an indefinite period of time is not any good. Imagine continuous rainfall, without a pause, like a daily marathon. Destruction of crops, flooding and all other kinds of damage to the living. Now we learn to connect rain with overwhelming grief, mixture of emotions and darkness. Rain is a teenager inflicted by mood swings. And yes, there is a prospect for joy and happiness.

The sun is covered by dark clouds, accompanied by an eerie sky tinged with darkness and a cold breeze. Some drops find their way out of the clouds, and then it’s an uproar, water pouring down onto the earth. A small girl looks out of her window. The best part of the year has only presented her with scorching heat and dry weather. When she sees rain, her heart is brimming with happiness, just like the small clay pots in the garden overflowing with rain water; and all the flowers seem to be smiling at her, vibrant and full of color. The grass looks greener with drops of water washing away it’s dullness. The brick red earth has turned chocolate brown, comes alive as it generates a fragrance of it’s own. The little girl rushes out into the rain, trying to grab the falling drops from the air.

The rain eventually ceases, sunshine slowly returning. Drops of water on leaves and grasses appear like pearls, a rainbow decides to pay a visit, filling everyone with a sense of joy and wonder.

The concept of balance is rather wonderful. Everything in nature life and death, night and day, heat and the cold; co-existence is a lesson we learn from everything we see around us and every event we experience or go through. The most ideal application of co-existence would be the one between our thinking and that of the phenomenon of change. Because when we truly learn to accept change, we grow. Just like how a tiny caterpillar takes it’s first step to form a cocoon before it turns into an elegant butterfly.

Change can be your nemesis for a second and your savior during another. Let us not fight change, but embrace it.

Images by Bimbimkha. Freepik.com

The Divine Reversal.

We are gifted with the ability to dream. Dreams are the product of our thoughts hidden deep inside, within the crypts of our subconsciousness. When we dream, there could be a moment when we know we are in control, when we feel we have the absolute power to twist the story that is unfolding in front of us, when we are in a state of realization. We try to bend the situation as we like, so that we can eventually get what we yearned in the first place. We love to play God. Through dreams and thoughts we wish we had the power to mold reality, to have control over time; As the need to play God is driven by the need for change. May it be the past or the future.

We have all experienced the sudden jolts of memories of things we regret doing, which comes rushing to our minds like how the thunder lights up the whole sky for an instant, accompanied by the loud roar of regret which sinks in moments later. Oh how we wish we could go back in time and change it. Sometimes what we regret is not what we could have done, but what could be if we had tried to stop ourselves from doing it. We hurt others through actions and words, mostly without asking ourselves how it would provide us with redemption from whatever that caused it. Sometimes we hurt with the intention to. A type of forced empathy in one way; we believe the person needs to feel the pain as you do, so that they realize the magnitude of their actions. After all, anger is a derived emotion, it is born from pain.

Now, before you start to believe that things cannot be changed because they were meant to happen; that’s when the thoughts of what you could have done, or what you could have done differently that will infest your head like a poltergeist. From what we deem as small things, like offering help to someone in need; to what we infer as empathy when we show the willingness to sacrifice our own comforts to make someone else’s life better. We all have memories to look back in life, when we wish we could have shown the power to initiate; as initiation requires the strongest will. Before you actually help someone, you must find it in your heart to evaluate the purpose of helping the one in need.

Unfortunately, time travel is not real. Even if all the movies and books we read tell us otherwise. We all have regrets. Regrets are hardwired into human thinking. Other species of predators, when they chase their prey and fail, they move on to the next one. There is no room for regrets, because ego seems to hardly be a problem when compared to hunger and sustenance. We often let our decisions be adulterated by feelings.

So since there is no time machine. Can you really escape this labyrinth of regrets from overwhelming you, not letting you sleep or let you deviate your mind into happier, more pleasant thoughts?. We might need to consider the fact that it is not in fact the situation, but the thought regarding it that bothers us more. So how do we silence the loud echoes of regrets?

We often use the word karma in context. But do we really embrace the true meaning of the word? Not really. As simple as it is, all we need to know about it is ‘What we do is what we get’. As we often use the phrase ‘settling the score’. Maybe even God himself has a way of settling the score. Every action that we involve in, we are judged, we are evaluated. It’s not without reason ‘life is a test’ came into fruition.

Passing this test means that we make peace with the good and bad that we have participated in throughout our life. We must learn to embrace the regrets we have in life, at the same time we must do all the good that we believe is possible for us, and could make a small or a significant change in someone’s life. I have always claimed that helping others could make me a very kind and helpful person in the third person’s eyes but as someone who respects and embraces the idea of karma, helping others is in fact a rather selfish act. For all the things we do, what we do when we believe no one is looking, what we do when we want to hurt, when we are hurt ourselves and is blinded by the feeling of anger and pain; We need to assure ourselves that we are not bad, in fact not as bad as our actions suggest at times. Hence a helpful act we believe neutralizes the bad we have committed with or without our knowledge, because the willingness to live and move forward comes from you telling yourself that as a person you have improved, when compared to yesterday.

We are humans. We make mistakes. We do things which could negatively affect another being or negatively influence a situation. We do not yet have a escape route in the form of time travel. But it is time for vindication. Small actions of care and empathy, sacrifice your seat for someone older struggling to find balance, get a cup of warm water for your friend who is sick. And most importantly, do not underestimate the value of a true smile. It is yet another human tendency to expect something in return for whatever they do. We have become computers when we expect an output for every inputs we give. We expect a reward, may it be material or ‘exclusive feelings’. If a warm smile is the output you receive for your small act of kindness and care, keep it close to your heart and choose to remember it whenever you feel the need for it.

Let’s live better so that we keep the scores even.

Pictures by freepik.com

Bridges.

Humans. Beings known to display the most complex level of socializing and the highest degree of co-existence in a community. Exceptions not considered, all of us want to experience the feeling of belonging. We all try to mold ourselves into someone who can fit into the society so that we can be satisfied through acceptance. We want people around us, our family, friends, and everyone who we believe makes our life better. Every being we interact with, we build a relationship. A stranger is not a stranger anymore. An acquaintance to our best friends, we build relationships other than the ones we acquire when we are born.

The relationship defined like bridges. There are elements of trust, love and care that hold up the bridges. The exchange of feelings keep the bridge alive. Strong firm bridges built with trust over the years; the bridges built between two people where there could be equal expression of love from both the ends, or could exist a case of a one sided lover, when the overwhelming flow of feelings flowing from one end to the other only to hit a brick wall oblivious, or pretending to be. We build bridges with everyone we meet. The path made through the nature of the conversation, and sacrifices form a blue cloudy sky above and the water under the bridge.

So is it time, level of trust or sincere communication of feelings that determine a relationship stronghold. While these may be the building blocks of a relationship; the one which holds the bridge up; one which stops the bridge from burning down to ashes. The water under the bridge and the blue skies above; sacrifices; sacrifices determine how a relationship can turn out. Sacrificing habits, sacrificing things, sacrificing other relationships, sacrificing your own ego. Yet like everything else in this world, the importance of balance in relationships also cannot be overlooked.

Almost all the time we build a relationship, we are prepared to ask ourselves what we are ready to give for the relationship to sustain and stay alive. We seldom ask ourselves what we need to give up. What we are ready to give up; how important it maybe to us, better defines our commitment to a relationship than what we are ready to give. And commitment is assurance which leads to development of trust and hence strengthening of the relation. While our sacrifices seem to be a small price to pay for a good relationship, we must always have our eyes open to the dangers of exploitation and betrayal.

As much as we need to appreciate the importance of maintaining relationships in our life, it is also equally important that we realize that sometimes, it is possible that no matter the amount of time we have put into it, no matter how much trust the pillars holding up the bridges of relationships are imbued with, no matter how strong our feelings are smothering us to try and yet try again to hold onto a person, to not let go; we need to burn the bridges. Let it be your best friend, or someone who you believed you loved more than yourself; but if the path is tainted by the skies and waters of sacrifices, storm brewing up with tension and stress and what we speak and what we think is more about what we gave up for each other; that’s when the pillars collapse and the bridge goes crumbling down.

If we believe we have committed a mistake which could jeopardize the relationship, it is important that we try our best and put in all our efforts to set it right. If there is a misunderstanding it is the equal responsibilities for both people to stand up and fight for the relationship to sustain like it did before. After all there is no perfect relation where everything goes exactly according to plan, but it is in fact the highs and lows which gives everyone the opportunity to make their choice of response which reflects on their commitment to the cause.

Before we build bridges with anyone else in this world, we already have one within us, the one we have built with our own conscience. As toddlers, our thinking has no bounds and our innocence giving our conscience a life of it’s own, we speak and laugh to ourselves finding reasons to stay happy with a healthy relationship with our conscience, ourselves; yet as adults we find reasons to stay unhappy, often not being able to fit in self communication into our busy schedule of life. Skies of emotions and feelings and running waters of sacrifices we make for others, around the golden bridge we have built to our own conscience and developed over the years.

Let your relationship with others not define the bridge you travel to connect with yourself, let it not induce feelings of self doubt or hatred. If you find yourself to be the only one sacrificing everything you hold close to yourself and your personality, if you find yourself full of feelings for someone who feels nothing for you, if you feel you could trust someone with your life while they do not value it, maybe after all some bridges need to be sacrificed to sustain the one within yourself.

“The only thing you need to hold onto in life, is each other.”

Picture by Freepik.com

Lust for Exploration.

New experiences. New sights. A feeling, an emotion never experienced before. Something you felt you could never ever do, but you build up the courage and do it anyway; and it gifts you with an ever lasting memory. The beginning of the day symbolizes the beginning of a fresh page in your book of life.

When we often get lost in our own thoughts, we wonder what we live for. What is that we want to do before we leave the world for a better place. Whenever I’ve found myself asking this question, my conscience always whispered into my ears : “Explore!”. Like many people, I have a love for travelling, and I believe it is one of strongest desires to travel around the world and visit all kinds of places on our planet.

To lead a vagabond life; to wake up in a different city or maybe even a different country everyday. Meet new people, make friends, learn their language, live their culture. The joys of travelling are not restricted to enjoying the sights and scenes, but it helps you grow as a person. It provides you with multiple perspectives. I truly believe a person matures when he/she learns to adapt by cultivating a willingness to gather perspectives. Everything we do, Everything we look at, we decipher it the way we taught ourselves to. Perspective is very well in a symbiotic relationship with the qualities of empathy, and a positive mindset to appreciate every thing and scenario in our daily lives.

Travelling by yourself, through experience I would say is an experience that would toughen you, makes you wiser and adamant; every point you look eye to eye with a situation you never thought you would have to handle all by yourself. Nobody around you to help you out of the sticky situation but yourself. You are at the wheel, you decide where you make the turns, you decide when you need to stop. The power of decision rests only in your hands and how responsibly you make the decisions and what you learn from the decisions that you made makes you who you are.

Yet this dream of ours is hindered by the fact that most of have an embargo on freedom in our lives. We are bound by the restrictions of our duties. Expectations, financial security, family everything in our life seems to have a higher priority in our lives. Sadly enough, many people who would love to have explored the whole world lives to only struggle every day of their lives to ensure that they have fulfilled their duties; because they valued their duties above self satisfaction.

We could struggle our entire lives yet end it with a regret; of not investing enough time on ourselves. Not spending enough time on the road exploring. As important our duties are, sometimes we need to find the motivation withing ourselves to say : “Stop, that’s enough. I need some time for myself”.

Exploration helps you build the best version of yourself, someone who is wiser, experienced and mature. A person who could make life a whole lot better for himself and the people around him. So now is the time!

Yes you could be surrounded with people who tell you no, your responsibilities. Grab a pen and make a list! There are places we need to visit for there are night skies we haven’t yet seen, waters we haven’t sailed on, mountains we haven’t climbed, cultures we haven’t experienced.

Like someone said

“It’s better to see something once than hear about it a thousand times” .

Image courtesy: freepik. Bankete.

A Friend in Clear Water.

Every day, every moment in our life, even if we are not absolutely conscious, we do things around us in our own unique way. From how we wake up in bed with our unique sleep position, to how we begin our day. How we eat, how we multi-task. How we smile and how we laugh. As per popular beliefs there could be about seven people in the world who look just like you do. But is it possible that they even possess all of your unique mannerisms. It surely cannot be. Nobody else can smile like you do at your friend’s wild efforts to amuse you. Nobody can look like a completely different sick person when you forget your make-up or when you shave your beard away like you do.

So we all have the magic power to change how we look,as the way others see it. But the qualities within you may not be perceived in the same generic context like how your physical appearance is understood by the others.

The best analogy I can come up with right now is that of candy. Oh how we love candy. We go to the bakers and we see different colored candy in sturdy, clear glass jars. All the different colors, each color more appealing to someone or the other. You go and pick the brightest of the lot! “I want the red one please!”. And there you go. Bright cherry red candy in your hands waiting to be consumed. Carrying all the excitement which is rapidly translating into action, you gobble up the candy in expectation of it awarding your taste buds with the same bliss it provided your eyes with. Alas! too sugary!.You decide to try the lemon green one next and now it’s too sour!. Finally for a moment you decide to let go of your visual perceptions and decide to try out the pale purple one. Blueberries! maybe you did love blueberries all along, but the flavor surely appealed to you far better than the others did.

So how do you decide which candy tastes the best by looking at how appealing they are? there’s absolutely no way to tell. Unless you try to get a taste of them each, all by yourself. So much can be said for candy, but do we not judge a person to be cruel, dangerous, unpleasant or even deemed ‘unlucky’ just by looking at them? Did we ever consider spending a chunk of our own precious time, to even try to get to know every one of them. Most of us haven’t. Sometimes even I haven’t. We are too busy cooking up the assumptions in our head that it has taken over our mind which should have worked out a way to get know the person better.

So we make an attempt to understand people. But I believe we are all guilty of rushing into conclusions about people. So again to understand how this works (I love analogies, bear with me please.), maybe we should consider a situation where we felt like we could finish a task, but the devil in the form of impatience has arrived to spoil the party. I used to be very much immersed in art when I was a young boy. I loved to paint pictures, but I preferred sketching over painting. So there were moments when I used to make sketches which I was rather proud of, only to be ruined later, because of my own doing of course. Sometimes I was told that the sketches look rather empty without an element of color in it. I used to worry far too much about how others accept my ‘art’, and I decided to paint it. Now painting, as any person who has held a paintbrush would agree, is a task requiring the utmost attention and the virtue of patience. The second I lost my patience I used to watch my hours of hard work being eaten away by blotches of dull colored paint.

So all that, actually to convey that sometimes, understanding a person can be like painting a picture. It requires patience, and attention. Maybe you always felt like you should paint the sky blue, the sky green and the mountains brown. But have you ever paused for a minute to wonder how different the things would have looked if you wanted to describe the same landscape at a different hour of the day; when the sky is blood red illuminated through clear skies by the setting sun, sea a shade of violet and the silhouettes of the mountain now more dominant than the shade itself. The colors are the qualities that we see in the person. The more we wait, the more time we spend with the person, the better we see the rainbow of personality in the individual.

Everything considered but like technology makes us friends with a single click on the internet, people do make assumptions and identify a person with a quality they find comfortable to relate with. Definitely not at all times are you linked with a quality that you would prefer to be, but that is how it is. You could be smart person who analyses situations before making decisions, someone who reads and has a wide span of knowledge in different areas. Someone who enjoys music, loves to play games and is kind and sensitive. But people are surely going to rush into a title. If you seem to be more physically attractive than the others near you, you’re the supermodel; if you’re a straight A student, you’re the bookworm. I personally don’t believe if everyone tries to figure out if the supermodel loves to read, or if the bookworm has a keen sense of fashion. It doesn’t seem really practical to try to understand every single person around us, but those we believe are close to us, we must try to invest our time in.

There is no absolute guarantee that people identify themselves with the quality others identify them the most with. Sometimes, for people like myself who rather worry a lot about what others think of me, this could be a demoralizing situation. For a person who loves to read,write,draw, play the guitar, is very sensitive I was always described as the computer geek, because ironic enough, I’d been patient with the machines as with people and was able to understand it better than the others.

For these people like myself, I believe we must be able to move on from the ‘clay‘ mentality. We must not force ourselves to change our ways just to suit the mold crafted by the opinions of others. Maybe we can all turn to the serenity of clear water. Clear water the epitome of peace; undisturbed and unhindered by the background noise. Clear water is the depiction of self reflection. We worry too much about how we are perceived by others lest we forget how we perceive ourselves. Self reflection is the core to personality development. If we gave more of a thought to what we think about ourselves and what we believe must change within ourselves so that we can grow to be someone better, we can embrace the fact that all of us are given titles in the society, by the rest of it’s members. This cannot be misunderstood as the judgement call to rubbish away all kinds of opinions given by others. The opinions could be pebbles thrown at the water surface. What we need we let it sink, we take it in. We accept it, because we believe we felt the need for change during self reflection. What we believe has no value that can contribute to our betterment; like the pebble we let it bounce away from the surface.

To restore peace within us, to master the art of acceptance, we channel our thoughts into self reflection than that of overthinking;

Because you are only the person you believe yourself to be.

I dedicate this to very special friend of mine who taught me a lot of things in life. If you ever encounter the demons of self doubt, you must know that these words are here to welcome you, and provide a sanctuary for your thoughts.

art by JCOMP. Freepik.com

Falling.

We use the phrase falling in love. Not often do we say ‘being in love’. We say – you fell in love, “I think I’ve fallen in love with her”. I’ve been left wondering how that particular expression came into existence. Falling is a term we use to describe a negative situation. The prices of my shares fell in the stock market. I fell from the tree. ouch.

Well maybe I experienced a bit of falling myself. And I realized that the phrase falling in love deserved a definition of my own; for I believe, we fall only to rise up stronger. So it’s falling in love; because unless you magnificently succeed in your first impression to the person who you want to impress, you fail and learn what you did wrong, and how it could be done better the next time.

So let’s say you failed to create an impression. And you left the person wondering if you were even close to the person they would want to be with. They have two options left in front of them. Either they tell it your face which is difficult for them, but will eventually make it easier for you; or the easier option for them is to just let it slide, and ignore your existence; because indeed they do not want to hurt your feelings. You see that’s the worst kind, the one which goes close to smothering the person being denied of affection and attention. The best thing you can do if you want to convey to someone who likes you that you don’t like them in the same way would be to just say it straight away. Yes of course it might hurt them. But the temporary pain of the sting is definitely better than the slow poison of hope that you make them consume each time they feel that you might give them another chance. Every time you look at them, even accidentally, they feel like you earn their attention. Every time you speak to them they believe you don’t want to let them go. And popping up every now and then to remind them of your existence and at the same time let your action scream out the fact that you do not care enough about them to love them back, these people deserve the darkest depths of hell.

Yes it’s not Utopia. Not everybody fits with everyone else like a jigsaw. There are differences. Sometimes enough differences so that you can weigh the good against the bad and you believe you can compromise and not dwell on the bad because the good is worth fighting for. Sometimes the differences may be too much, Conflict of principles. Difference in thinking. Sometimes it’s difficult to overlook all of it. To be fair it’s not falling in love with the wrong person that will gift you disappointment, it’s the falsities you believed would materialize with the person you fell in love with that kills you.

We all love to dream. Dreams are often born out of boredom and overthinking. People believe that dreams are thoughts and desires of the dreamer buried deep within his conscience. We dream when we are not engaged with anything else. We dream when we sleep. We dream when we are sitting on the bank of a river. We dream when we are forced to attend a boring class. They say an idle mind is the devil’s workshop. While there is nothing satanic about being in love, the ideas we bring up surely would fall in line with that. Imagining yourself in situations that could possibly never exist. One second you look at the person, the next moment you find yourself trying to pick names for children you both will have in the future, leaving Bill Gates and Elon Musk envying your vision. Surely it’s more difficult to engineer an entire life with a person than sending a car into space? I’d say so.

So she said no. Big deal. It’s not the end. There could only possibly be three outcomes for this situations. Either you go into a reflection mode, where you look at whatever you did and everything you said in retrospective, only to conclude that you have indeed not been good enough for her to accept who you are. Acceptance is what we all yearn. Humans are social, no sane man would be capable of leading solo life detached from all kinds of life, and acceptance is a core feature hardwired into the system of society. If it’s not self-reflection, you become vengeful. While the former is a likely agent of self induction of pain, a slow train to the gloomy station of depression. Being vengeful is something absolutely different. You start believing that the person was wrong to say no to you and you would do anything to prove to them that you were not worth losing. For a person who’s not cynical, would rather benefit from this approach. The vengeful nature can fuel the desire to do things better, to try more, to explore more and risk more to obtain a productive change that could make the person stronger. But the thought behind the third approach which is neutrality, questions everything else. Is it really worth crying over someone who is not able to see the good within you? Is it worth making an effort to change who you are just because one person didn’t like you for what you are? The neutral approach pushes the impulsive responses off the ledge, as it offers a better sense of practicality. So she said no. Does it matter? I don’t care there’s always someone else who will appreciate me better.

It’s actually a battle between dwelling on and moving on. Being depressed or being vengeful, it’s like a treadmill in the gym. You seem to be walking, running away from the problem, but you are actually stuck at the same point. If you want to really get away from it, step out of the treadmill, do not change your approach change your cause. This is just like the example of apples the psychiatrists like to use. There’s one green apple you’d love to eat more than the red apples which are equally good placed in the same basket. But unfortunately, the green apple goes bad because of some reason. Now the question is would you be willing to throw the green apple away and save the red apples from going bad as well; or would you rather choose to be obsessed with the green apple and try to save it some way while ignoring the other apples, which could eventually go bad. We have people around us who care about us who do put in a lot of effort to make our lives better, in return they ask only for our love and care. It would be unfair to them if we ignored their efforts just so that we can hang onto something which was never worth our time anyway.

So what does this conclude? Is it wrong to fall in love? Absolutely not. It’s important that we experience the feeling of love, and also build up the courage to admit it. But is it important to have our priorities sorted. Totally. We all have a duty to fulfill, we have the ticket to our purpose. Maybe it’s not worth sacrificing the ticket to a journey of experiences filled with anxiety and curiosity in copious amounts, for a small moment of denial.

Image : Love space – Scott Brian Woods

Life Is A Road

Indeed. Life is how you live it? Roads are how you build it. Life gives you options? Cross roads give you choices. Living on the edge sometimes, picking up the pace accelerating, endless asphalt covered to end up where you belong. Life is an adventure. So is the road.

Open your eyes to the rising sun
Let the rays of sunshine illuminate what is to come
Schedules and chores what you pick and what you drop
Going on until the red light asks you to stop

We begin every day hoping that it will present us with something new, something different and hopefully something better than yesterday. It’s like someone said “We all make plans for the next day, because we all believe we will wake up to see the next day“. But do we take life for granted? Do we forget our mother’s smile when she waves us goodbye to school, yet find time to dwell on why someone didn’t like you back?. Our lives have become seas of negativity, we wash away the positive messages of love and hope carved on the sand, and we take back what has been dumped onto us, the misery of failure and misfortune. We carry away the toxicity and we bring it to other happier shores, doping the bliss with unhappiness. Is it worth it?After all the sea leaves behind the dust, as it slowly turns into vapor and rises towards the moving clouds into the clear blue sky.

forests, rivers, seas and valley
deserts and wastelands we must be wary
The scenes and sights, whatever it holds
does not obstruct the paths of the roads

So you just assumed everybody is going to be good to you? Because let me guess, you were one of those who believed that what you give is what you get. Although that line might’ve been fairly overused and look fancy on holy book covers, real life experiences tell a very different story. If I could rewrite any of those instances, I would change “What you give is what you get” to “What you give is what you are.” Because in the end people are people, good to them, bad to them, you can’t really change people for who they are. If you can convince yourself that you are the best version of what you can be, it could be reap happiness within you.

Life is a bed of roses, the good and bad locking horns
If you crave the fragrance you must also face the thorns
Can the monsoon rains fill you with joy and wonder
If you run away from lightening, can you handle the thunder?

As bad as it is, would life be really the same if you were only awarded with positive situations and there was absolutely nothing to worry or make you cry?. Have you ever tried playing a really hard game and then you finally after days,months or years of effort finally manage to finish it? The satisfaction you gain is unbelievable. But consider a totally different scenario. The same game, but you are allowed to cheat your way into the final level of the game. The game you would’ve taken you potentially years to complete, completed in a day. Yes you did get a taste of success. But at what cost? There might be cheat codes to success contrary to the popular belief “There are no shortcuts to success“, but there is no loophole to live the experience and learn the lessons it teaches you along the way to your success.

Few passengers whose company you yearned for on the roads
lose their roles as the story unfolds
Yet we ponder from our paths, to pursue the lost
ones who followed sacrificed, the detour came at a cost

We’ve already been through this. Like they say, “People become a habit“. How many of us can confidently say “Yes, I have maintained contact and a good relationship with all the friends I’ve made throughout my life!“. I don’t think there could be anyone who could achieve this ,what seems to be an impossible ground to conquer. It’s only natural. Some you hold onto, some you let go. The demons of natural selection are not abstinent from our social lives. Nobody is perfectly, or even perfectly good for you, but you choose the best of the lot. I am guilty of neglecting my strong friendships, the ones I have taken for granted when I busy trying to build a new one. It’s only when you lose what you have you realize it’s value. Yes, I do not disagree with all popular beliefs. Come on.

varying speeds, different ways, some silent some noisy
let them not define who you need to be
crossroads encounters, the crowded one may not be the right path
After all it isn’t your nature, but your choices that sets you apart

Yeah so you are a little more wider than your neighbor who’s staring at you like he wants to kill you because you’re hogging the whole seat on the bus. And the seat was meant for three and there’s two people. But still the other guy seems to be struggling to take a breath (Indeed, I’m the guy staring). Is it wrong to be different? Totally not. But is it important to realize you’re different? absolutely. Difference does not equate to weakness. I think lions are more afraid of Rhinos than giraffes. Differences are what makes you what you are. All books have pages. But it’s what you write in the pages that makes the difference right?. I would like to believe that quote was original.

Efforts and determination, working your way up the hill
To earn the much awaited feeling of success and thrill
they fear the untraveled path,lest from safety they may sway
yet the fruits of experience reaped, as the fearless explore anyway

Sun sets in the east, earth goes around the sun, but every step you take every day. It’s different from yesterday. Imagine if we repeated the same series of events in our lives every day, with no change in time or order. Change is the rule of life. Like someone said (I don’t remember his name I’m sorry okay?) The Cemetery is the only place devoid of change. Constant is only for the non-living. So experiment with life!

Every one travels the road, chasing self satisfaction waiting in queues
the journey goes on until the sun goes down, at every toll paying our dues
Some go on until their wheels wear out, some journeys cut short as comes the call
we all return home someday, believing we left an impression be it big or small

So there it is. The road you have to build, You maintain, and you travel. Choose the right path, and sometimes feel free to try out that unpopular road! after all what good is a road trip without a few bumps and sharp turns eh?

Travel photo created by jcomp – www.freepik.com