Wish – Page 2

A Friend in Clear Water.

Every day, every moment in our life, even if we are not absolutely conscious, we do things around us in our own unique way. From how we wake up in bed with our unique sleep position, to how we begin our day. How we eat, how we multi-task. How we smile and how we laugh. As per popular beliefs there could be about seven people in the world who look just like you do. But is it possible that they even possess all of your unique mannerisms. It surely cannot be. Nobody else can smile like you do at your friend’s wild efforts to amuse you. Nobody can look like a completely different sick person when you forget your make-up or when you shave your beard away like you do.

So we all have the magic power to change how we look,as the way others see it. But the qualities within you may not be perceived in the same generic context like how your physical appearance is understood by the others.

The best analogy I can come up with right now is that of candy. Oh how we love candy. We go to the bakers and we see different colored candy in sturdy, clear glass jars. All the different colors, each color more appealing to someone or the other. You go and pick the brightest of the lot! “I want the red one please!”. And there you go. Bright cherry red candy in your hands waiting to be consumed. Carrying all the excitement which is rapidly translating into action, you gobble up the candy in expectation of it awarding your taste buds with the same bliss it provided your eyes with. Alas! too sugary!.You decide to try the lemon green one next and now it’s too sour!. Finally for a moment you decide to let go of your visual perceptions and decide to try out the pale purple one. Blueberries! maybe you did love blueberries all along, but the flavor surely appealed to you far better than the others did.

So how do you decide which candy tastes the best by looking at how appealing they are? there’s absolutely no way to tell. Unless you try to get a taste of them each, all by yourself. So much can be said for candy, but do we not judge a person to be cruel, dangerous, unpleasant or even deemed ‘unlucky’ just by looking at them? Did we ever consider spending a chunk of our own precious time, to even try to get to know every one of them. Most of us haven’t. Sometimes even I haven’t. We are too busy cooking up the assumptions in our head that it has taken over our mind which should have worked out a way to get know the person better.

So we make an attempt to understand people. But I believe we are all guilty of rushing into conclusions about people. So again to understand how this works (I love analogies, bear with me please.), maybe we should consider a situation where we felt like we could finish a task, but the devil in the form of impatience has arrived to spoil the party. I used to be very much immersed in art when I was a young boy. I loved to paint pictures, but I preferred sketching over painting. So there were moments when I used to make sketches which I was rather proud of, only to be ruined later, because of my own doing of course. Sometimes I was told that the sketches look rather empty without an element of color in it. I used to worry far too much about how others accept my ‘art’, and I decided to paint it. Now painting, as any person who has held a paintbrush would agree, is a task requiring the utmost attention and the virtue of patience. The second I lost my patience I used to watch my hours of hard work being eaten away by blotches of dull colored paint.

So all that, actually to convey that sometimes, understanding a person can be like painting a picture. It requires patience, and attention. Maybe you always felt like you should paint the sky blue, the sky green and the mountains brown. But have you ever paused for a minute to wonder how different the things would have looked if you wanted to describe the same landscape at a different hour of the day; when the sky is blood red illuminated through clear skies by the setting sun, sea a shade of violet and the silhouettes of the mountain now more dominant than the shade itself. The colors are the qualities that we see in the person. The more we wait, the more time we spend with the person, the better we see the rainbow of personality in the individual.

Everything considered but like technology makes us friends with a single click on the internet, people do make assumptions and identify a person with a quality they find comfortable to relate with. Definitely not at all times are you linked with a quality that you would prefer to be, but that is how it is. You could be smart person who analyses situations before making decisions, someone who reads and has a wide span of knowledge in different areas. Someone who enjoys music, loves to play games and is kind and sensitive. But people are surely going to rush into a title. If you seem to be more physically attractive than the others near you, you’re the supermodel; if you’re a straight A student, you’re the bookworm. I personally don’t believe if everyone tries to figure out if the supermodel loves to read, or if the bookworm has a keen sense of fashion. It doesn’t seem really practical to try to understand every single person around us, but those we believe are close to us, we must try to invest our time in.

There is no absolute guarantee that people identify themselves with the quality others identify them the most with. Sometimes, for people like myself who rather worry a lot about what others think of me, this could be a demoralizing situation. For a person who loves to read,write,draw, play the guitar, is very sensitive I was always described as the computer geek, because ironic enough, I’d been patient with the machines as with people and was able to understand it better than the others.

For these people like myself, I believe we must be able to move on from the ‘clay‘ mentality. We must not force ourselves to change our ways just to suit the mold crafted by the opinions of others. Maybe we can all turn to the serenity of clear water. Clear water the epitome of peace; undisturbed and unhindered by the background noise. Clear water is the depiction of self reflection. We worry too much about how we are perceived by others lest we forget how we perceive ourselves. Self reflection is the core to personality development. If we gave more of a thought to what we think about ourselves and what we believe must change within ourselves so that we can grow to be someone better, we can embrace the fact that all of us are given titles in the society, by the rest of it’s members. This cannot be misunderstood as the judgement call to rubbish away all kinds of opinions given by others. The opinions could be pebbles thrown at the water surface. What we need we let it sink, we take it in. We accept it, because we believe we felt the need for change during self reflection. What we believe has no value that can contribute to our betterment; like the pebble we let it bounce away from the surface.

To restore peace within us, to master the art of acceptance, we channel our thoughts into self reflection than that of overthinking;

Because you are only the person you believe yourself to be.

I dedicate this to very special friend of mine who taught me a lot of things in life. If you ever encounter the demons of self doubt, you must know that these words are here to welcome you, and provide a sanctuary for your thoughts.

art by JCOMP. Freepik.com

Falling.

We use the phrase falling in love. Not often do we say ‘being in love’. We say – you fell in love, “I think I’ve fallen in love with her”. I’ve been left wondering how that particular expression came into existence. Falling is a term we use to describe a negative situation. The prices of my shares fell in the stock market. I fell from the tree. ouch.

Well maybe I experienced a bit of falling myself. And I realized that the phrase falling in love deserved a definition of my own; for I believe, we fall only to rise up stronger. So it’s falling in love; because unless you magnificently succeed in your first impression to the person who you want to impress, you fail and learn what you did wrong, and how it could be done better the next time.

So let’s say you failed to create an impression. And you left the person wondering if you were even close to the person they would want to be with. They have two options left in front of them. Either they tell it your face which is difficult for them, but will eventually make it easier for you; or the easier option for them is to just let it slide, and ignore your existence; because indeed they do not want to hurt your feelings. You see that’s the worst kind, the one which goes close to smothering the person being denied of affection and attention. The best thing you can do if you want to convey to someone who likes you that you don’t like them in the same way would be to just say it straight away. Yes of course it might hurt them. But the temporary pain of the sting is definitely better than the slow poison of hope that you make them consume each time they feel that you might give them another chance. Every time you look at them, even accidentally, they feel like you earn their attention. Every time you speak to them they believe you don’t want to let them go. And popping up every now and then to remind them of your existence and at the same time let your action scream out the fact that you do not care enough about them to love them back, these people deserve the darkest depths of hell.

Yes it’s not Utopia. Not everybody fits with everyone else like a jigsaw. There are differences. Sometimes enough differences so that you can weigh the good against the bad and you believe you can compromise and not dwell on the bad because the good is worth fighting for. Sometimes the differences may be too much, Conflict of principles. Difference in thinking. Sometimes it’s difficult to overlook all of it. To be fair it’s not falling in love with the wrong person that will gift you disappointment, it’s the falsities you believed would materialize with the person you fell in love with that kills you.

We all love to dream. Dreams are often born out of boredom and overthinking. People believe that dreams are thoughts and desires of the dreamer buried deep within his conscience. We dream when we are not engaged with anything else. We dream when we sleep. We dream when we are sitting on the bank of a river. We dream when we are forced to attend a boring class. They say an idle mind is the devil’s workshop. While there is nothing satanic about being in love, the ideas we bring up surely would fall in line with that. Imagining yourself in situations that could possibly never exist. One second you look at the person, the next moment you find yourself trying to pick names for children you both will have in the future, leaving Bill Gates and Elon Musk envying your vision. Surely it’s more difficult to engineer an entire life with a person than sending a car into space? I’d say so.

So she said no. Big deal. It’s not the end. There could only possibly be three outcomes for this situations. Either you go into a reflection mode, where you look at whatever you did and everything you said in retrospective, only to conclude that you have indeed not been good enough for her to accept who you are. Acceptance is what we all yearn. Humans are social, no sane man would be capable of leading solo life detached from all kinds of life, and acceptance is a core feature hardwired into the system of society. If it’s not self-reflection, you become vengeful. While the former is a likely agent of self induction of pain, a slow train to the gloomy station of depression. Being vengeful is something absolutely different. You start believing that the person was wrong to say no to you and you would do anything to prove to them that you were not worth losing. For a person who’s not cynical, would rather benefit from this approach. The vengeful nature can fuel the desire to do things better, to try more, to explore more and risk more to obtain a productive change that could make the person stronger. But the thought behind the third approach which is neutrality, questions everything else. Is it really worth crying over someone who is not able to see the good within you? Is it worth making an effort to change who you are just because one person didn’t like you for what you are? The neutral approach pushes the impulsive responses off the ledge, as it offers a better sense of practicality. So she said no. Does it matter? I don’t care there’s always someone else who will appreciate me better.

It’s actually a battle between dwelling on and moving on. Being depressed or being vengeful, it’s like a treadmill in the gym. You seem to be walking, running away from the problem, but you are actually stuck at the same point. If you want to really get away from it, step out of the treadmill, do not change your approach change your cause. This is just like the example of apples the psychiatrists like to use. There’s one green apple you’d love to eat more than the red apples which are equally good placed in the same basket. But unfortunately, the green apple goes bad because of some reason. Now the question is would you be willing to throw the green apple away and save the red apples from going bad as well; or would you rather choose to be obsessed with the green apple and try to save it some way while ignoring the other apples, which could eventually go bad. We have people around us who care about us who do put in a lot of effort to make our lives better, in return they ask only for our love and care. It would be unfair to them if we ignored their efforts just so that we can hang onto something which was never worth our time anyway.

So what does this conclude? Is it wrong to fall in love? Absolutely not. It’s important that we experience the feeling of love, and also build up the courage to admit it. But is it important to have our priorities sorted. Totally. We all have a duty to fulfill, we have the ticket to our purpose. Maybe it’s not worth sacrificing the ticket to a journey of experiences filled with anxiety and curiosity in copious amounts, for a small moment of denial.

Image : Love space – Scott Brian Woods

Life Is A Road

Indeed. Life is how you live it? Roads are how you build it. Life gives you options? Cross roads give you choices. Living on the edge sometimes, picking up the pace accelerating, endless asphalt covered to end up where you belong. Life is an adventure. So is the road.

Open your eyes to the rising sun
Let the rays of sunshine illuminate what is to come
Schedules and chores what you pick and what you drop
Going on until the red light asks you to stop

We begin every day hoping that it will present us with something new, something different and hopefully something better than yesterday. It’s like someone said “We all make plans for the next day, because we all believe we will wake up to see the next day“. But do we take life for granted? Do we forget our mother’s smile when she waves us goodbye to school, yet find time to dwell on why someone didn’t like you back?. Our lives have become seas of negativity, we wash away the positive messages of love and hope carved on the sand, and we take back what has been dumped onto us, the misery of failure and misfortune. We carry away the toxicity and we bring it to other happier shores, doping the bliss with unhappiness. Is it worth it?After all the sea leaves behind the dust, as it slowly turns into vapor and rises towards the moving clouds into the clear blue sky.

forests, rivers, seas and valley
deserts and wastelands we must be wary
The scenes and sights, whatever it holds
does not obstruct the paths of the roads

So you just assumed everybody is going to be good to you? Because let me guess, you were one of those who believed that what you give is what you get. Although that line might’ve been fairly overused and look fancy on holy book covers, real life experiences tell a very different story. If I could rewrite any of those instances, I would change “What you give is what you get” to “What you give is what you are.” Because in the end people are people, good to them, bad to them, you can’t really change people for who they are. If you can convince yourself that you are the best version of what you can be, it could be reap happiness within you.

Life is a bed of roses, the good and bad locking horns
If you crave the fragrance you must also face the thorns
Can the monsoon rains fill you with joy and wonder
If you run away from lightening, can you handle the thunder?

As bad as it is, would life be really the same if you were only awarded with positive situations and there was absolutely nothing to worry or make you cry?. Have you ever tried playing a really hard game and then you finally after days,months or years of effort finally manage to finish it? The satisfaction you gain is unbelievable. But consider a totally different scenario. The same game, but you are allowed to cheat your way into the final level of the game. The game you would’ve taken you potentially years to complete, completed in a day. Yes you did get a taste of success. But at what cost? There might be cheat codes to success contrary to the popular belief “There are no shortcuts to success“, but there is no loophole to live the experience and learn the lessons it teaches you along the way to your success.

Few passengers whose company you yearned for on the roads
lose their roles as the story unfolds
Yet we ponder from our paths, to pursue the lost
ones who followed sacrificed, the detour came at a cost

We’ve already been through this. Like they say, “People become a habit“. How many of us can confidently say “Yes, I have maintained contact and a good relationship with all the friends I’ve made throughout my life!“. I don’t think there could be anyone who could achieve this ,what seems to be an impossible ground to conquer. It’s only natural. Some you hold onto, some you let go. The demons of natural selection are not abstinent from our social lives. Nobody is perfectly, or even perfectly good for you, but you choose the best of the lot. I am guilty of neglecting my strong friendships, the ones I have taken for granted when I busy trying to build a new one. It’s only when you lose what you have you realize it’s value. Yes, I do not disagree with all popular beliefs. Come on.

varying speeds, different ways, some silent some noisy
let them not define who you need to be
crossroads encounters, the crowded one may not be the right path
After all it isn’t your nature, but your choices that sets you apart

Yeah so you are a little more wider than your neighbor who’s staring at you like he wants to kill you because you’re hogging the whole seat on the bus. And the seat was meant for three and there’s two people. But still the other guy seems to be struggling to take a breath (Indeed, I’m the guy staring). Is it wrong to be different? Totally not. But is it important to realize you’re different? absolutely. Difference does not equate to weakness. I think lions are more afraid of Rhinos than giraffes. Differences are what makes you what you are. All books have pages. But it’s what you write in the pages that makes the difference right?. I would like to believe that quote was original.

Efforts and determination, working your way up the hill
To earn the much awaited feeling of success and thrill
they fear the untraveled path,lest from safety they may sway
yet the fruits of experience reaped, as the fearless explore anyway

Sun sets in the east, earth goes around the sun, but every step you take every day. It’s different from yesterday. Imagine if we repeated the same series of events in our lives every day, with no change in time or order. Change is the rule of life. Like someone said (I don’t remember his name I’m sorry okay?) The Cemetery is the only place devoid of change. Constant is only for the non-living. So experiment with life!

Every one travels the road, chasing self satisfaction waiting in queues
the journey goes on until the sun goes down, at every toll paying our dues
Some go on until their wheels wear out, some journeys cut short as comes the call
we all return home someday, believing we left an impression be it big or small

So there it is. The road you have to build, You maintain, and you travel. Choose the right path, and sometimes feel free to try out that unpopular road! after all what good is a road trip without a few bumps and sharp turns eh?

Travel photo created by jcomp – www.freepik.com